So... I destroyed the universe.

It was an accident. Really. I mean, I didn’t even know I could destroy the universe. Seriously. How many people do you know that can destroy whole universes? And yes, people. Human. I’m really... well. Alright. Saying I’m just like everyone else would be a bit of a lie. But.. we’ll cover that later.

It’s very odd when you’re the only thing that exists. It’s... existential. Or, I suppose, non-existential? It’s like... almost like sleeping, but you’re aware of not being conscious of anything.

After the fact, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was dead. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just... a whole bunch of nothing. Can’t really beat around the bush here. The haunting footsteps I expected to come never did (Can the Dictator of the Universe exist if her Universe is destroyed?). And that light at the end of the tunnel? Lies.

But I suppose you want an explanation. Yeah, I just did that. Your fourth wall? Totally pwnd. After all, if I somehow destroyed the Universe and lived to tell the tail, I can do whatever I want. Anyway, bragging aside, I guess I do sorta owe everyone an explanation. After all, if I destroyed the Universe, I kinda destroyed everything. Including you. But you’re here to hear my story! Will the plot crevasses ever close up?!

But I digress...

A good place to start any story is at the beginning. Which is something I appear to be incapable of. But we’ll give ‘er a good try.

Yo, Dana Phantom, she was just fourteen...

Yup, that would be me, Dana Phantom. 50% human, 50% ghost, 100% awesome. I am, indeed, 200% of a something. Because I’m just that great. I’m also somewhat arrogant. But, if you don’t think you’re amazing, will anyone else?  Remember that one train book, about thinking you can, and then succeeding? Yeah, you’d be amazed at how much that stuff works. There’s probably a name for this kind of stuff, but I’m not really in a position to look it up. Things being destroyed ‘n all. (Also, in case you haven’t noticed yet, I’ll point it out now – I tend to go off on tangents. I kinda have ADHD. Also, tangents are great. Without them, how could I use my cheesy math pickup lines? "Hey, baby, I wish I were your derivative so I could lay tangent to your curves" doesn’t quite have the same ring to it if tangents didn’t exist.)

You’ve got the whole package here. Snow-white hair. Glowing eyes (mine are indigo, thank you very much). Yup, even the monochrome hazmat suit to wrap it all up. No cheesy logo for me, though. I live in Wisconsin (near who knows how many cheese factories), I cheer for the Packers, and wear a cheese head. That’s enough cheese for me.

Four years ago (that makes me eighteen now, for those of you who preferred non-math classes), something strange happened. I discovered them. My powers, that is. The power over ectoplasm. Of flight and gravity shift, of invisibility and intangibility, of morphing and controlling not only my own body, but the ectoplasm that flowed through it.

I had become a superhero.

Yay me.

With super-powers to boot, and an entire universe at my disposal... I could do anything. Anything. Which I didn't do. I mean, seriously, just because you can doesn't mean you have to. I mean, I could have started this whole narrative from some interesting point, to hook you readers and make this novel interesting. But I didn't. There was probably some method to that madness, but... I don't know it.

There also was this one thing... Well, not so much thing as person. Ally was her name, ruling the Universe was her game. Luckily for me, Ally and I had become friends a while before all this had happened. And like the unrelated sisters that we are, we bonded instantly. Within mere minutes of introducing ourselves, we were inseparable.

Those are the best kinds of friends.

Anyway, you can't really get much higher than ruler of the Universe. Unless you believe in a multiverse, but, guys, this isn't Dungeons and Dragons. There aren't planes out there. Trust me, I've looked. There is this whole "beyond" part that some young upstart tried to steal, but, honestly... it's not much. And there's no other universes out there. "Uni" is one, "versus" is "to turn," making our word literally "to turn into one." Which is archaic for, basically, "make a word that includes everything that exists anywhere and everywhere."

Gotta love logic, eh?

Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes, Ally. Supreme Dicator of the Universe and Beyond. Don't worry, she's benevolent. Or at least when she's in a good mood and you're not an idiot. After all, have you been forcibly made to acknowledge her existence with her burning wrath? You have not, you wouldn't be here. Ally, being the amazing, sisterly telepathic twin of mine that she is decided (even after all these years, I still don't know if this was a good decision) to recruit me to be Supreme Dictator of the Galaxy and Heir to the Universe.

Oh! But there's more than one galaxy! This is what you're thinking. I know it. I'm good at these things. Well... we have no minions in other galaxies yet. There are a lot of galaxies out there. You can't just google search them. Well, google search and come up with the info you need. I mean... you can get Wikipedia to spit out information on how the Andromeda Galaxy is yadda light years away and has such and such a shape and this many billionty stars. But that doesn't help us.

'Sides, I'm pretty sure that my reign would extend in such a circumstance.

So, with the entire galaxy in my (hopefully) capable hands, I had things to do. Mostly with Earth, since that's our planet and stuff. (Anyone who wants to bring up Drake's Equation, well, why don't YOU go and sift through those n planets and find some intelligent life? Yeah, that's what I thought.) Earth, and well, anything that we decided to make. There's this insanely convenient thing wherein anything we wanted we could create. If we wanted chaos and carnage, it was there. If we wanted order and prosperity, there it was. There was a lot of the latter. Once you've destroyed everything a few times it gets rather boring.